Ask the Coach - On Helping Others
By: Merrill Pierce
I’m wondering if you have advice on how to help a co-worker who seems to be struggling. Over the last few months, I’ve noticed that they seem different - they are more stressed than usual, they now avoid social events with co-workers, and if I’m honest, they seem sad. I’ve offered to help with their workload, but they politely declined. I’d want to ask if they’re okay but I’m not sure how to do so without upsetting them, and even then, I’m not sure what I could personally do to help - but I’d like to try to find a way. What can I do to help? Is it appropriate for me to insert myself like this?
It is very challenging to watch someone you care about struggling. Often the reason for the obvious change in behaviour is beyond our reach as co-workers but that doesn’t mean as colleagues and peers, we can’t be supportive.
Your co-worker may be suffering from burn-out, personal issues, trauma or maybe they just don’t seem themselves.
Regardless of the issue, there are some ways to support them and let them know they aren’t alone.
Perhaps try the following steps to show you care and are concerned;
Be approachable but avoid giving unsolicited advice. Connect with them, check in and ask questions like, “do you want to talk about it?’, then make sure to truly listen to what they are saying. Don’t overwhelm them with your opinion unless they ask for it directly.
Try to avoid vague statements – rather than asking “what can I do to help”? try something like – “I’m going out to grab lunch, can I get you something?” or “things are a bit slow for me right now, can I do ____ for you?” let them tell you what they might need in that moment.
Let them feel what they are feeling, sometimes its uncomfortable when people seem sad or mad but let them feel it.
Try to avoid saying things that may only make things worse or even trying to cheer them up by saying “lets focus on the positive” – when we validate how someone is feeling or their emotions will help them move through them.
If you have a conversation with someone who is struggling, always circle back with them and keep your conversation with them private – follow up without judgement.
If needed encourage them to seek additional support if it seems needed.
Being there and simply letting someone know you care, is often just what they need.
Best,
Merrill
We have the pleasure of joining forces with Merrill Pierce, a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) accredited by Corporate Coach U, and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF). She is also an accredited member of Society of Organizational Learning (SOL), and an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) mediator certified by the ADR Institute of Canada.
Merrill has spent over 20 years working at a number of Fortune 500 companies, of which 10 years were at the senior executive level. This background provides her with a solid and practical understanding of personal and professional issues, challenges, and concerns. Merrill is also a regular contributor to the media and has published several articles and white papers on business related topics.
Merrill is ready to tackle YOUR questions! Whether they are personal, or professional - she can anonymously answer your submissions, and help you navigate any relevant challenges occurring in your life. Doing so could help others in similar situations and scenarios. Merrill will also be presenting advice on relevant, general topics to help our readers. If you want to send a question to Merrill, please submit to askmerrill@gmail.com before the Monday of each week (otherwise your question may be held til a following week!).
